haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
