i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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