I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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