Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
