You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
