you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
