May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
