: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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