despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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