Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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