Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
