Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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