Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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