just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
