Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
