The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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