just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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