P.S. I can't hear my feet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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