ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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