he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
