i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
