pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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