Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
