I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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