Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
