Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
