Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
