Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
