Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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