I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
