she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
