I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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