you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize