Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
