Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
