Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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