operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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