i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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