I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
