He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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