ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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