bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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