she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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