We named our party play list daddy issues
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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