"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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