So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
