Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
