Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
