my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
