Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
