I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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