U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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