i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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