I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
