well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize