WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
