Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize