Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
