I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
