he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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