Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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