don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
