Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize