her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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